I am over you.
I am over your whining, whinging and blaming.
I am over your finger pointing.
I am over you.
That was what I said to myself not so many years ago.
Years ago, about 8 or 9 I think – and I can only judge this from my Facebook timeline reminders… I was playing the role of the victim.
I played it very well. Lets remember I had probably played it for about 20 + years. I was well versed in the language. I was well practised with the actions. I had gotten what I wanted out of being the victim.
I got the attention I thought I needed. I got sympathy when I wanted it. I probably even got more than that… but I’ll be honest I am struggling to remember this.
It feels like a different person. And I guess it was.
My strategy of playing the victim worked for me until one day I realised that I had a choice in the way I felt. I had the choice to not ‘feel’ a certain way about a thing/person/situation. It honestly hadn’t occurred to me that I had a choice all this time.
And would I think that I had a choice? The people surrounding me were also playing the victim role incredibly well. They too had excelled at acting this way. What other way could I have been? I was role modeling off them and didn’t even realise it.
The turning point? I can’t really say that one day I woke up and everything had changed. It was a bit like a caterpillar in a chrysalis. It took a while to grow. But grew I certainly did. And no-one could have pulled me faster through this process. I had to go at my own pace. You know if you help a butterfly out of its cocoon, it will die? Its not ready until its ready.
Playing the ‘Oh its his/her/their fault’ card no longer served me.
In fact I was tired of it.
Playing the ‘I can’t do it because of X, Y or Z…’ card no longer served me.
In fact I was exhausted.
Playing the ‘I’ll get angry and frustrated because THEY won’t change/do that thing/love me…’ card no longer served me.
In fact I was over it.
I was over me.
So I got over me.
How?
By opening up my thoughts to the fact that I got to make a choice in how I felt.
By watching/reading/learning from others who inspired and motivated me.
By hanging around people who lifted me up – rather than put me down.
By realising that I would very easily pass this victim mentality onto my kid.
By getting a coach and getting accountable for my actions.
By not beating myself up about not changing sooner.
By cheering myself on and realising that I don’t need another person to do that.
By realising that this path was only mine to do.
And most of all? By understanding that gratitude was key. Being thankful removed the stress. Being thankful everyday for what I have, where I am, who I have in my life and my health. This was monumental.
I am glad I got over me. I still get over me every day in some way, but its barely a glitch these days and I don’t care if I mess up as there is always a lesson to be learnt.
What about you? Are you playing the ‘Woe is me…’ card? How about you get over that and step up?
Emma xx
I am a coach and mentor. I am also a former ‘victim’ who gets it. You need a hand? Gimme a yell. I am always here to help. Email : emma@emmap.com.au