Mum Guilt Can Suck Balls
It doesn’t matter what I do.
Its not enough.
I push and push and yet I feel like I am getting no-where. In fact, its like I am going backwards. Hurtling backwards into an effin’ hole that I can’t see an end to.
I am tired.
I am over it.
I am sick of trying. Again and again.
The guilt of trying, the guilt of not being a good enough mum is like a dead weight on my chest. So heavy. Like lead.
Why don’t I know this stuff? Why do I not know what to do? Why am I doing this on my own?
It SUCKS BALLS.
My friend, this was a conversation I had in my head very regularly. For a number of years. In fact, writing it out and remembering it….I felt the familiar pain returning. My body remembered didn’t it?
I so clearly remember having a physical pain in my chest for about 6 weeks after my daughter went to full time day care at 8 weeks old. The pain returned when the day carer would call me with things like ‘She cut her first tooth today, didn’t you notice?’ or ‘She is sick and asking for you…’. I had to work full time, I had no choice. Mortgages needed to be paid and food to be bought.
Emotionally I was stuffed. I felt like I had no support (I did, but didn’t reach out enough). I felt like I was a bad mum. Even from conception I carried the guilt of drinking wine whilst (unknowingly) pregnant.
My standards were high. I daren’t tell you other stories, for fear of crying whilst typing this.
So high that I couldn’t get halfway there. I was so down on myself.
Until I realised that I had a choice in the way I felt. I also had control over what controlled me. I thought I was ‘out of control’. But I wasn’t. I was very much in the drivers seat and I had to take responsibility for this.
My self-care was shit. I made shit decisions about myself. In so many areas of my life.
Now? Do I get the guilts? Yes, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. However, I know what my strategies are and can recognise them easily these days. I can notice that the shit is starting to hit the fan, way before it actually does.
I am running a FREE 5 day ‘Piss off Mum Guilt online program’ starting today and I would love for you to join us. I will show the strategies that have worked for me over the years, and help you notice whats going on…before its too late.
Wanna join us? What have you got to lose? Click HERE to join in…yes its totes FREE!
Emma xx
p.s If you feel that you need more 1:1 help with this stuff, I am running individual coaching sessions over the next 6 weeks. This will take you up to Christmas and ensure that you are armed with the right tools to get you through the crazy Christmas period! I only have space for 6 women though and selection is via phone interview. If you feel that this could be you, please send me a PM or email to emma@emmap.com.au The price would be just $599 for the 6 weeks of coaching.
