I made it up as I went…

Isn’t it interesting that we forget the things we have been through? Or is this just me? Knowing what I know…that we humans are essentially the same – probs not!

Back to forgetting.

Earlier today, I was reminded of a particularly awful time in my life. I rarely talk about it because now I am in a better place. I have trained myself to talk about the past so much – and let me be clear here…it’s not because I am ignoring or purposely forgetting it. I have done the ‘work’ on healing myself, and it was utterly poop. Yucky poop, actually. I recall the wretchedness and exhaustion of it all; it all feels like a blur these days.

Why do I choose to not talk about my past? Notice how I used the word ‘choose’ here? I am not in denial. Things happened. Lots of shit went down. BUT. I realise the power of the mind and that emotions of the past feel as real as if they are happening now. Unless, of course – you have actively worked on healing this. The body thinks that memory of the past is happening NOW. The physical body reacts as it’s happening NOW. 80% of the information to the brain comes from the body (yep, only 20% back from the body to the brain). Eeeek! I know, right? But, take a sec and think or instead feel into this concept. Your body remembers. Your body keeps score.

The great thing about healing from the past is that you can help others in a similar shitty situation. (If you want, of course.) and this is where I have realised the power of sharing our stories and personal challenges. The power is in the vulnerability of sharing this, thus helping and inspiring others. Most people don’t think they can achieve what they can, as their beliefs hold them back.

And I’ll give you a tip here.

It’s a bit of a secret…….
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Are you ready?
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Here goes…

For 90% of the time, I didn’t believe I could do it. It felt like a battle. A war, in fact…with whom? Myself, most of the time. I had no idea what to do, who to talk to and what actions to take.

I did know that I didn’t want things to continue as they had. I wanted to change. I wanted to change deep in my soul. And, so, I figured I would just make it up. And made it up, I did. Okay, I read books and listened to learnings from various teachers, and I used these resources to create my version of change. But for the most part, I relied on myself, my instinct and my resolve that it wouldn’t be like this forever. I refused to give up on myself.

I decided early on that I would ONLY look forward. Never back. My head was faced forward, and I would not break my neck looking backwards.

Did I mess up?
Absolutely.

Did I say the wrong thing?
Often.

Did I want to give up?
Yes, I dreamt of taking off overseas every few days as that seemed ‘easier’.

What kept me going?
To be honest, I think I tapped into my inner Viking and forged ahead. Or at least some essence of an inner guide. But in reality, I decided that I got to choose my destiny. I chose my reality. I had created this, so I would change it.

Did it work?
Heck, yes.

I regret nothing. This situation made me a better version of myself. A better mum, friend, daughter and daughter. The tools and resilience I learned couldn’t have been discovered in a course or book. This was hard, dirty work in the trenches with days/weeks of no light.

And now? I love the fact I can help others, not only with the fantastic tools I have learnt over the years…but I also get to share my personal experience. Without downplaying myself here (I am aware of this language), I am just a girl from England who made it up from day 1. And I am incredibly proud of what I do, what I have achieved and what I will continue to do.

Of course, I haven’t shared exactly what happened in my past here. But I never hide from it with my clients – so if you want to know, I will share my stories. If you know, you know anyway. And I am okay with this.

So, the message for this blog today – is you can make it up and move forward. Let go of the past and create your reality.

Today.

Emma xx