I am not waiting

It’s my time. It’s my life – My story.

It’s been a tough few months. It’s also been a great few months.

It’s kinda funny how life throws you curve balls and you don’t know whether you should duck, hold your breathe or run for the hills.

I have done all of these and then some.

But so have you in some way, haven’t you?

I’ve shifted my business considerably since January last year in the aim to have even more flexibility and freedom for my family.

Writing my books started because I wanted to share my message further afield, plus it was a move to speed up the results of my clients – yep they have to have read the first book (The 7 secrets to getting sh*t done) to even work with me!

I let go of my health and fitness business after 7 years as my heart was no longer in it. I felt that I could do more, for more people online and through my books. Of course, now…my body is nowhere near as fit as it was! In fact, I have put on weight – and of course, I am not stoked about it…but in saying that I have found that I have quite a womanly figure (yes! boobs!). I am also realistic – I was teaching up to 10 Zumba classes weekly, early morning Boot Camp classes, boxing and providing PT to a number of clients nearly every day of the week. Of course, I looked fit and healthy! I was moving daily for hours at a time!

Now?

I am not.

I walk these days and my ankles love me more for that, than jumping around. As a result of all that impact, I now have early-onset arthritis in my feet/ankles. Oh! But don’t feel sorry for me! I’m fine, plus now I get to look at my surroundings as I walk.

Throughout last year, I wound down the fitness work, wrote even more and ran workshops in school hours to give me even more flexibility and of course, an income.

I started to see patterns in the women that I met and noticed that their self-care was sometimes non-existent and they were not feeling good about themselves. So I wrote and published the second book ‘The 7 secrets to not giving a sh*t’. Probably the most ironic title of all time…given that it’s a book to help people to care even more.

After writing and researching that book, I decided that I could help more women with their self-care and teach them how to know themselves, therefore be able to love themselves more. After all, this makes you a better mum, wife, partner, daughter, sister, friend etc.

So I started to build my new project – My Time. My Life.

Boy, this has been a lesson in itself! I naively thought I had worked on myself ‘enough’ (Newsflash! for people new to self-development, there is no ‘enough’…it’s ongoing). I thought that I had a massive amount of self-awareness, and to be honest I probably have a lot…I’ve attended Tony Robbins events, fire-walked twice and have read 100’s of books plus studied/implemented/taught this stuff for years now.

At the same time I was developing this new project, I met my man (Matt) who found me after reading my book. I won’t tell you this story today – but let’s say, I have found my twin flame and this is it. I am so very blessed and am excited about our lives and future.

It’s interesting that the Universe gives us lessons when we are not expecting it, at the times that we are supposed to learn them. The universe also fills voids. I truly believe this. For example, my cat Bobby (who was the most loving cat I have ever owned) passed away just two weeks before I met Matt. It’s ok Matt, you didn’t replace Bobby…but I think you know what I mean.

So back to the lessons that the Universe wants us to learn. As I said at the beginning, it’s been a tough few months. The biggest lesson so far is my beautiful daughter going to live with her dad. What a heartbreaking time it was been. Not only for her to have lived with me her whole life but for her to believe the sh*t she is told about me. Every word feels like a knife in my heart – yet I know none of it is true. I feel so many things – helpless, hopeless, angry, frustrated, sad and devastated. I also know, that I am a great mum. In fact, I know I am an awesome mum! Which sometimes doesn’t make me feel any better. It just gets me through – I am lucky that Matt’s kids think I am cool and I still do useful parent things with them. I think they are as confused as I am actually.

I am told that I am fake. And to an extent they are right. I am generally positive, motivating and inspiring to others – and there have been times these last few months that I have felt nothing of the sort. People close to me know this and have been nothing but encouraging and loving – so thank you. But this is the killer – I have never felt so ‘me’ in years and years. I am authentic and I love being me! This is the ‘real me’ and yet she can’t see it. But that is probably the lesson, she has to learn it herself. I have to be patient.

I am also questioned about money. What isn’t spoken about, is the fact that I have done it all by myself for the last 3+ years after telling my ex to stick his money up his arse.

So, as you can imagine – speaking about self-love, empowering others to make the choices they want in life…has been hard. Actually no. It’s been fucking hard. And the tears? So many, and they haven’t really stopped.

Designing my new project and website, filming the videos, writing the content has taken 4 months longer than I expected. In saying that, I feel it is my best work. I speak from the heart more often these days and my lesson here…? I believe to be able to understand ‘even more’ than I did before. Therefore help at a deeper level. And I know that this is really needed in today’s world.

I wouldn’t be sent these lessons if I wasn’t strong enough to learn them. I have faith in myself and my support network. I am learning patience at the fastest level and I know all of this will help you and others when you/they need it.

Waiting to launch my new project has crossed my mind numerous times. But if I waited, then I would not be the authentic me I claim to be.

Because NOW is MY TIME. And NOW is MY LIFE.

And I am no longer waiting.