Connection and your nervous system

One thing I love entirely about what I do with my clients is teaching them about their body and how it reacts to stress. 

But what I love MORE is that I get to use this in my day-to-day life too. 

Let me explain: our physical bodies are naturally attuned to the state of ‘be aware, there could be danger…’ We know this, and it essentially keeps us alive (yay!). 

BUT.

This can get us feeling anxious and in a state of feeling ‘alarm’ in our bodies – that can come out in various forms; not breathing, heart racing, guts going yuck and other physical manifestations. Our bodies send 80% of the information we receive, yet our brain only sends back 20% of the information. Giving us the concept that our bodies just KNOW. 

Do you get me? That gut feeling? It’s real baby!

One of the topics (and strategies) is Poly Vagal theory, and this theory is around the idea of the “Seat of safety”. Our bodies want to feel safe. And without heading into an explanation of this, one of the things scientists have proved is that we need to have is ‘Coregulation’. (There are another two concepts, but I will cover that another day). 

To explain further, here is another excellent piece of information:

Coregulation lies at the heart of all human relationships. According to Polyvagal theory, it is the reciprocal sending and receiving of safety signals. It is not merely the absence of danger but connection between two nervous systems; each nourishing and regulating the other in the process.

What does this mean? 

It means hanging out with your bestie and having a good ol’ chat. 

It means connecting via the phone to your mum and downloading the day to each other. 

It means connecting to other humans and relating, hanging, vibing…whatever you call it. 

It’s why it just feels GOOD after doing this. 

Yep, you know the feeling. That inner warmth of having shared a story, a problem or just a conversation with another person. 

Coregulation is something we probably all do to an extent. I am just labelling it for you – and I probably don’t have to explain much more. But I guess, when you do interact with others you don’t gel with, and you feel a little off – it makes sense, doesn’t it? 

When coregulating with others, we essentially soothe each other’s nervous systems. We are reminding the nervous system we are safe and ok. This reduces blood pressure, your heart rate slows down, and other awesome bits in your body chill the f*ck out. Who doesn’t love that? Our bodies want and need to do this – hanging out in a state of high anxiety/stress is no good for the ol’ system, and you know it! 

So, the message for today is to reach out and call that friend. Reconnect with a loved one or have a cuppa and chat with a mate. It will feel good, and your nervous system will breathe a sigh of relief.