I am stupid.

I used to think I was stupid.

I used to think that I was dumb.

I thought I was stupid and unintelligent for many, many years.

But how could this be?

It was what I was focusing on for too long.

During my schooling,  a few teachers would say that I was stupid or ‘that is stupid’. And certainly in the early years of my schooling. I had this one teacher called Mrs Paige. She just took a dislike to me. I rarely sat in the classroom and, in fact…I believe this is when I forgot how to do my times tables.

Side note: Its an issue to me to even tell you guys that. I am kinda embarrassed.

Actually this year in my schooling was pretty shocking, and I spent most of it outside the classroom. I even got into a fight. Very unlike me. As a result, and listen… I’m not blaming here… I didn’t learn maths correctly. In fact, I was so bad that during my high school years, I failed maths in the end and had to re-take it to get into university.

There were other people who called me stupid, and that’s all I could tune into. Now, don’t get me wrong… this wasn’t a daily barrage, but it was enough to make me self-doubt myself.

When we believe something, we look for evidence to support it.

It’s interesting though…looking back over the years, I was in the top band of my year and I also got into university.

Clearly I wasn’t stupid, but maybe I just believed I was because I was focusing on it.

What is interesting too – is that when we believe something, we also attract others in our lives who do similar things. I know that during my unhappy marriage a common insult was my intelligence. But I know now it wasn’t me and I am very much over that shit. So please don’t feel sorry for me. (Honestly it says more about the other person doesn’t it?)

Fast-forward to today, I know I am far from stupid!

In fact, I’m probably one of the most intelligent people I know, ha ha ha. But jokes aside, it’s what I focus on these days.

I know that I have intelligence. I know that I have knowledge, and I know that I can share this knowledge with other people to change their lives. But every now and again (particularly when I am tired or I haven’t been caring for myself)  that voice inside my head pops in and says, “Well you can’t do that because you’re stupid and you don’t know enough.” That voice that says, “You can’t achieve that. You can’t set that goal because you’re stupid or you don’t know enough.”

That voice that tells me I’m not good enough. Yep I have that voice inside my head too. I shall call her ‘mini-me’…

Sound familiar?

Well excuse my French (not) fuck that!

You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. Don’t let anybody else say otherwise.

Start looking for the evidence to support your intelligence, not the other way around. Intelligence is not linked to education, believe me.

I know so many “intelligent” people who have doctorates and PhDs, yet they are possibly the most stupidest people I’ve ever met. No offense to anybody who has one of those. And p.s I am joking here…who am I to determine someones level of intelligence?

But really, it’s not an education that gives us intelligence, is it? You can learn forever and still be learning. Don’t attach the amount of college degrees or certificates to your intelligence. I didn’t even finish my degree. So I have none of these.

The next time you hear that voice telling you that you’re not good enough or you’re stupid, question it.

Where did it come from? Is it true? Is this really what you believe? Is it was you are focusing on?

Then think to yourself “How can I change this? What else could I focus on? How can I be more kind to myself?”

Flip it to the other way.  Tell yourself “I’m fucking amazing”. Or better still, get a tattoo of it on your hand.

I have a PhD in awesomeness for goodness’ sake.

See ya

Emma xx